A while back, someone joked that standards and preferences change when a woman hits thirty. She may even accept a man with half a kidney, a quarter of a kidney—just give her any man because her biological clock is—ticking. 

Desperation sets in. Older women are often considered less desirable due to presumptions about their past, including the infamous "high body count" narrative. Yet, marriage means different things to different people.

Some value the institution of marriage more than the essence of it. Rushing to marry because you're fighting personal battles, hoping to find favor with God, or even seeking to hide your sexual orientation from society—these are examples of misplaced motivations.

 As the good book says, "There is nothing new under the sun." But even with the knowledge of others' mistakes, it's easy to overthink the purpose of marriage due to societal pressures and personal desires.

What Are You Really Looking for in Marriage?

Before you sprint down the aisle, understand the elixir it takes to sustain a marriage. Are you stepping into this commitment while carrying deep-seated personal challenges? Maybe you're hoping marriage will elevate you from a poor background, or you're offering excellent cooking skills or a polished physique as your primary assets. You might even be older and seeking something fresh and new.

Marriage is not a solution to life's voids but a partnership that amplifies both joy and challenges. Your heart's intentions matter deeply. Ask yourself: What is your definition of love, and is it based on temporary feelings or a deeper connection that can withstand time?

Types of Marriages

1. Marriages of Convenience
Many unions are formed for reasons other than love—be it financial gain, social standing, or emotional stability. These marriages are transactional and often lack long-term fulfillment.

2. Romantic Marriages
Rooted in love and passion, romantic marriages are heavily idealized in media. They often start strong, but maintaining the spark requires continuous effort, maturity, and emotional growth.

3. Arranged Marriages
Common in various cultures, arranged unions are more about family alliances than individual choice. Still, when grounded in mutual respect and evolving understanding, they can succeed beautifully.

4. Marriages Out of Necessity
Sometimes people marry due to pregnancy, societal pressure, or the need for financial security. These unions may struggle when the initial driving force fades.

In Kenya, the law recognizes several types of marriages including civil, Christian, Hindu, Islamic, and customary unions. Each comes with its own set of obligations and dissolution processes—underscoring that both emotional and legal dimensions matter.

Marriage Myths That Deserve to Die

"Your partner should make you happy."
Honey, you're in for a treat because marriage demands emotional regulation. There will be moments you won’t see eye to eye—and that’s normal. You must learn to handle your emotions independently.

Other misleading beliefs include:

Marriage will fix your problems.
It won’t. If anything, it amplifies them if your lack emotional maturity to address them.

Romance will naturally last forever.
No, romance is like a plant. Ignore it, and it wilts.

Your partner should complete you.
Wrong. A healthy marriage happens when two whole people complement, not complete, each other.

Divorce Regrets: Two Cautionary Tales

Take the case of one, who tried endlessly to fix her marriage. She believed her partner wasn’t the right fit but thought persistence would fix it. Years later, they drifted too far apart, and she regretted the time and energy lost.

Now consider another, who hastily walked away from his marriage in search of freedom. Years later, he looked back with longing, realizing he had left behind a good partner and a stable life for fleeting desires.

Should You Stay or Leave?

I grew up detesting marriage and what it embodied. To me, marriage looked like a trap. I saw mothers trudging behind their husbands, burdened by household duties and children, losing their individuality. In many cases, wives appeared more like personal assistants than life companions.

If you're at a crossroads, ask yourself: If a third party lived in your home, observing all the highs and lows, would they be inspired by your love—or petrified by the dysfunction? Does your relationship reflect God’s definition of love? 

And if you could do it all over again, would you still choose your partner?

Marriage, ultimately, is a reflection of your deepest values and intentions. Don’t rush into it for appearances, age, or approval. Enter with clarity, courage, and self-awareness.

“Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do.” — Barbara De Angelis

May your marriage be more than a ceremony—let it be a conscious, evolving partnership.